I always thought Reunions were occasions that a person either loathed or anticipated with a salacious glee. I never imagined a reunion could be such an indifferently sleep-worthy affair...at least for an onlooker, a hanger on. I mean all those movies with reunions were far more interesting than the one reunion i went to, where i wasn't even reunited to anybody. I don't know, something must be wrong with me, or it must've been the company i was in, or am regularly in, or maybe i go to the wrong places where i cannot identify myself...heaven knows what it is, increasingly these days i find it sooo difficult to have fun...well, thing is a reunion for over forty people--that could be fun, if your over forty yourself or somehow that way inclined, or are surrounded by interesting people, or wedding parties--well, you could be enjoying there too, but what i mostly feel is this disinterested detachment. I find it so impossible to identify, to be part of any crowd, what is wrong with me? I know, of course, i mean the moment i walk into a musical concert, any sort from Rabindra Sangeet to Jazz and hip hop, i completely find myself tied into the being of the entire place, swaying to the beats, the melody, the rhythm, the beats...i become intangible, i melt, my body does that is and then i am only a vibration upon the invisible airwaves. I feel my insides melting and i am only music, pure, incorruptible music. I should have listened to my mother for once, and actually tried learning something musical. She tried to give me singing lessons which i completely demolished astutely. She tried over and over and i stubbornly decided not to learn music. But it was in my soul. You cannot fight destiny. That is another maxim i believe in, though i'm not too much of a maxim person. I couldn't realize my love for music, i mean i couldm't understand how much i loved it. How much it effected me, how it made me feel, until...i until i turned 22, i guess. Not just turned 22, but until i entered a certain university. Maybe it is the ghosts of the music past, present and future that linger in its corridors that made me realize how much i love it. I could have been to Julliard. Become an opera singer, or a conductor...i loved it so much. I loved Italian opera though i understood not a word of it. I loved to feel it, therefore as i stood listening to a heartbreaking Bengali song, i realized where i belonged. I belonged to the rock concerts and the ghazal mehfils, the jazz lounges and the dance floor. I belonged tot hose sunsets and sunrises dedicated to purring and raging ragas, i belonged to those who had loved and lost and loved again. And again. Therefore reunions, parties, etc make me feel like a punk in a Mozart concert. I don't belong here. Somehow i hover at the fringes a complete outsider, standing somewhere in some borderline area, wondering, yawning and dying, a little. I've got to stop doing that to myself.